What's Next?

What is it about love anyways? And, to be clear, I’m not talking about any of that romantic Cupid shit at all. But what is it about the love that we have for the people who are important to us? How weird is it when we find out that this person makes us a better person and without them, we wouldn’t feel as whole? How is it when you figure out that this person in your life is like your brother or your sister?

How do you feel? Do you get that little warm tingling feeling inside? Is it then followed by a sense of weirdness? Like, what the fuck is this feeling, anyways? Is it then followed by regret? Do you feel that you should have gotten to know them better sooner? Do you regret not being there to help when you could have? What should you feel?

Over the past year, I have had the pleasure to love many people and I have felt so loved by them. My best friend who saw that I was unhappy and made me face reality and made me seek the life that I deserve. My spiritual friends who taught me that there is more that unites us than divides us. My female friends who love me for who I am and not what I do and make me feel like I’m the king of the world.

See this whole feeling of love is kind of new to me. Yeah, I love my family, but, at the end of the day, it’s one of those things that is just a given. I love my parents, not only because they brought me into this world and showed me the way, but, well, you know, just because. I’ve liked people, and they’ve liked me, even if I didn’t see it then. But I never felt like they were indispensable in my life, and I’ve never felt like I could ever be indispensable in anyone else’s life.

Now I do, and I have this mix between total euphoria, shock, and most of all fear. Can I live up to their expectations? Can they live up to mine? What the fuck am I supposed to do now? What’s next?